this is an essay I wrote for my very first assignment in my sophomore HO English II class. the prompt was simply to describe yourself currently and who you would like to be in the future (a topic which, in my opinion, is way too vague and existential to ask a class full of freshly 15 year olds). although I did spend a few days worrying about who I was and asking myself what about me really set me apart from others (if anything), I finally constructed this essay which, looking back on it almost two years later, I am incredibly proud of. while I do not like the portion about field hockey as I feel it is badly implemented and slightly interrupts the flow of the work, the wording I chose and the way I thought about the prompt now impresses me.
Change and How it Defines Me
I am defined, not by one specific situation, but rather by how I have reacted to a combination of them throughout my life. My own individuality has formed through a series of difficult experiences, each of which has shaped me into my current self. For example, I would like to say I have a small list of adjectives that I believe describe myself, but how is it I found these adjectives? How is it I know they apply? I have formed my perception of myself from observing how I’ve reacted to past experiences. I learned that I am creative by looking at situations that allowed me to demonstrate my creativity. I learned that I am a perfectionist by stepping back and removing myself from a circumstance, only to realize that I approached it with an “all or nothing” sort of attitude. In summary, I am how I react to the world.
Past experiences play an important role in this way of defining myself, and when trying to narrow one down, the game of field hockey came to mind. While learning this sport was both enjoyable and difficult in and of itself, playing the game after learning the basics was the most challenging and rewarding; I found that even after understanding seemingly every play and possible strategy, there was always something more to know. This, in a way, applies to how I have viewed myself in the past, and still view myself today as I continue to grow as a person. My perception of who I am is constantly changing, as I am experiencing and learning new things about myself. However, this idea of constant change isn’t always positive. For example, because I enjoy the game quite a bit, I also invest a lot in practices, games, and overall working on and developing my skills. So, when I experience a day in which my skills are just a bit off, which is inevitable, I take it much more to heart than I should. Most of the time I find myself forgetting what it feels like to be good at the sport, and assuming I have lost all my skill. Although obviously, this is not true, I tend to hyperfocus on the small inconvenience I am having and accept it as a permanent reality, assuming that my skill has changed forever. While of course the next day I resume my usual playing level and I remind myself that off-days do occur, I think they work as an effective example to show how I, and my skills, are constantly changing. This challenge to accept the fact that my skill level fluctuates also reflects the daily changes in my character as a person as I experience life.
In my future, I hope to maintain this theme of learning, maturing, discovering, and growth. Where I would like to go in my future is not a specific place, nor can it be reached at a specific age, but rather it is a mental state I would like to achieve. Like the game of field hockey, I would like to constantly be expanding my mental skill level. When I graduate high school and college, my goal is to continue to educate myself each and every day. I hope to be in a place surrounded by people and experiences that challenge me as a person and continue my mental growth. There is no town, state, or even country that I am certain that I will end up in, but I trust that as I age I will find one. And that place, wherever it may be, is where I would like to end up in due course.
Overall, who I am as a person can be expressed using the comparison to field hockey. This sport has taught me how to experience and accept change. By putting myself through different situations and observing the outcome, I learn more about my character. Who I am is a direct result of how I’ve evolved throughout life, similar to the changes that occur in my skill level when playing field hockey. This theme of change is something I would like to remain a constant throughout my future as well. For growth, how it is shown, how it originates, and how it continues, is the very definition of myself.
i think the date I made this was around early september 2021, for reference. I’m interested to see how my writing might grow more from then until now, and further into the future.
<3,
blaire
blaire sheftel 